Preparing to Ski in Italy
Some suggestions to prepare you for skiing in Italy.

- Visit your local butcher and pay 50 Euro to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half a day.
- They say it's not the skiing that's the problem...it's stopping. Good preparation is essential. Jump out of a 5th story window and shout "This is easy" as you go down.
- Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Sporadically drop things.
- Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
- Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face.
- Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
- Learn simple, useful Italian phrases. "Non ho visto l'albero". I did not see the tree.
- Start now to drive on the wrong side of the road.
- Attach a large wooden plank to each foot, lie flat on the floor; then, holding a banana in each hand, get to your feet.
- Keep the planks on your feet and climb up stairs to the second floor.
- Learn skiing termanology like Snowplow: A term used to identify what just ran over you.
And above all, after completing the above instructions, make sure you enjoy your trip.

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Italian Ingenuity

The Germans recently invented a machine that caught thieves when installed in public places. The Americans tried it and caught 5 thieves in 15 mins. The French tried it and also caught 5 thieves in 15 mins. So the Italians tried it and 15 thieves stole it in 5 minutes !

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Italian women

An Italian man walking along beach in Sicily was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have had the faith to ask, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Australia, so I can drive over anytime I want to."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the ocean! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The Italian man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy?"

After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

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And do see these two famous Flash Cartoon videos demonstrating the difference between Italians and "other" Europeans. Bruno Bozzetto is a leading Italian cartoonist.

View Film "Europe and Italy"
View Film "Driving in Italy"

requires falsh player.

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 Know any good (clean) ski Jokes or Italian Jokes ? Send them to us .....